I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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