You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
