The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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