Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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