He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
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I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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