Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
