Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
false alarm, still single
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