she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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