I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
