You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
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