Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
