worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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