Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
