I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
