you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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