I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
