okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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