Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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