i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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