I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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