wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
