apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
