i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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