when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
