Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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