my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
