toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you would pick up someone in the library
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
