I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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