I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
