DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pants are for mortals
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
