as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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