none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
