Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
