I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
