She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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