Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
