So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
