4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
