My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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