I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
