I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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