Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
