I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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