I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
