She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
