i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
