So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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