YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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