Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
