Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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