Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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