I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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