I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
