then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
