I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
