I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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