capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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