I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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