My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
