for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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