I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
