wanna go halves on a baby?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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